My laptop was driving me crazy.
“The A, E, and I keys always stick,” I complained to a friend.
She quickly diagnosed the problem. “Your computer is suffering from irritable vowel syndrome.”
Posts Tagged ‘Funny’
A joke so bad it’s funny
August 25th, 2010
Instant Stress Relief, just sing this song
July 29th, 2010My sister sent this to me in an email a while back and I loved it, but never took the time to rip it out of the email and “publish it”, so I’m glad someone finally put it up on youtube. It’s instant stress relief, just sing this song, heck I may even make it my ringtone.
Stuck in the 80's – a Michael Jackson wannabe has his car repo!
July 17th, 2009I don’t even know what to say other then this is freaking funny!! You have to watch the whole thing, it’s a little slow at the beginning but out of nowhere it gets very entertaining!!!
[Youtube]nRTiZxNSjow[/Youtube]
The System Administrator Price List
February 20th, 2009So my new title is “System Administrator” and I came across the “System Admin price list” and thought it was absolutely hilarious! It’s below, I might just have to implement this.
Regular (as it were) Prices:
Regular (as it were) Prices:
| Calling me with a question | $10 |
| Calling me with a stupid question | $20 |
| Calling me with a stupid question you can’t quite articulate | $30 |
| Implying I’m incompetent because I can’t interpret your inarticulate problem description | $1000 + punitive damages |
| Questions received via phone without first trying help desk | $10 |
| Questions where answer is in TFM | $10 |
| Questions during Xpilot session | $20 |
| Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once | $100 |
| Insisting that you’re not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow | $200 |
| Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem | $5/step |
| Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem | $50/mile+gas |
| If you interrupt me while I was reading news | $25/hr |
| If you interrupt me while I was trying to count all the xroaches on my screen | $35/hr |
| If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else’s problem | $45/hr |
| If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now | $50/hr |
| If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it | $60/hr |
| If you’ve come to ask me why something isn’t working that I’m currently working on | $70/hr |
| If you’re asking me to fix something I fixed for you yesterday | $75/hr |
| If you’re asking me to fix something I told you I fixed yesterday, but never did fix | $85/hr |
| If you’re asking me to fix a quick patch that I made that didn’t work | $95/hr |
| If you’re bugging me while there’s another admin in the room who could have done it for you | $150/hr |
| Making me trek to your office to fix your problem then leaving immediately after hanging up the phone | $1500 |
| Calling up with a problem which “everybody” in the office is having and which is “stopping all work.” Not being there when I rush over to look at it and nobody else in the office knows anything about it. | $1700 |
| Explaining a problem for 1/2 hour over the phone BEFORE mentioning it’s your personal machine at home | $500 |
| Self-diagnosing your problem and informing me what to do | $150 |
| Having me bail you out when you perform your own repairs I told you not to do | $300 |
| Not telling all of your co-workers about it | $850 |
| Figuring out you mean floppy drive when you say hard drive | $50 |
| BEFORE I order your replacement hard drive | $250 |
| Fixing your “broken” mouse with a mousepad | $25 |
| Fixing your “broken” optical mouse by rotating the mousepad 90 degrees | $35 |
| Fixing your “broken” optical mouse by taking off the post-it note someone has put on the bottom. | $50 |
| Fixing a “broken” mouse by cleaning the rollers | $50 |
| Fixing your “broken” printer with an ink/toner cartridge | $35 |
| Fixing your “broken” ANYTHING with the power button | $250 |
| Fixing the “crashed” system by turning the external disk back on | $200 |
| Fixing the “hung” system by plugging the Ethernet transceiver back in | $375 |
| Fixing the crashed name server by plugging back in the SCSI cord someone accidentally yanked out on Friday afternoon when the ‘real’ sysadmin has just left for a two week vacation | $400 |
| Visiting your old university and fixing the broken PC by plugging the monitor lead back in | $50 |
| Explaining that you can’t log in to some server because you don’t have an account there | $10 |
| Explaining that you don’t have an account on the machine you used to have an account on because you used it to try to break into the above server | $500 |
| Forgetting your password after it was tattooed on your index finger | $25 |
| Changing memory partitions without informing me first | $50 |
| Installing programs without informing me /getting permission first | $100/program |
| Technical support for the above programs | $150/hour |
| Spilling coke on keyboard | $25 + keyboard |
| Spilling coke on monitor | $50 + monitor |
| Spilling coke on CPU | $200 plus cost of motherboard swap plus hourly rate of $150 per hour spent reinstalling the system |
| Leaving files on desktop | $5/file, $10/day the file is left unclaimed |
| Cleaning the mouse with spit and sleeve | $50 plus cost of sleeve plus cost of therapy |
| Bringing in your own copy of the original Norton Utilities v1.0 to fix a brand new machine | $200 |
| Chewing on the end of the graphic tablet stylus | $25 |
| Putting feet up next to workstation after ten mile jog through NYC streets | $50 |
| Spending 30 minutes trying to figure out what your problem is, and another 5 explaining how to verify and fix it, only to hear you say… “So that’s what the little box that popped up on my screen was telling me to do!” | $40 |
| Listening to your network troubles, suggesting that you check to see if you are plugged into the network jack, hearing “yes”, trying five other things, asking you to identify your plug type, listening to you drag furniture, and hearing a sheepish, “Oops. Never mind.” | $35 (including discount for polite apology) |
| Dealing with tech support requests for obviously pirated software | $25 |
| Dealing with “How can I get another copy of [obviously pirated software]? Mine just died.” requests | $45 |
| Having to use the “We’re really not the best people to talk to about that why don’t you try calling the number on the box in which you bought it?” line | $55 |
| Actually needing to explain copyright law to you after you failed to get the hint in the previous response | $95 (includes |
| Having to point out anything that’s on the wall in a typeface larger than 18 points | $15 |
| If I wrote the sign | $45 |
| If it’s in a 144 point font and taped to the side of the monitor facing the door | $75 |
| Reporting slow connection by passenger pigeon packets to MPEG archive in Outer Slobavia as a Mosaic/Netscape/Gopher/FTP client problem | $25 |
| Reporting it more than once | $50 |
| Reporting it more than once and implying slothfulness on tech support’s inability to solve problem | $200 |
Beeper Prices:
| Beeping me when I’m out with the significant other | $50 |
| Beeping me when I’m out of town and I took pains to insure that help files were left all over and that diagnostics had been run on all machines before I left | $100 |
| Beeping me more than once to tell me that the printer’s offline and the fix is to press the On Line Button | $200 |
| Beeping me more than once while I’m asleep | $50 per beep |
| Beeping me and not identifying yourself within the first 5 seconds | $25 |
| Beeping me and then changing your story / denying you placed the call / hoped I would forget who caused the problem | $500 |
Special Rates:
| Dealing with user body odor | $75/hour |
| Dealing with user not familiar with the primary language spoken at site | $50/hour |
| Dealing with user who is (self-proclaimed) smarter than you are, but still calls every other day for help | $100/hour |
| Dealing with computer hobbyists | $125/hour |
| Questioning the other prices | $50 |
An alternative to smoke detectors during this tough economic time.
October 14th, 2008Note: I received this from a friend and thought it was pretty funny!
——————————————————-
As you all should be aware, it will soon be time to ‘fall back,’ changing the time on your clocks once again. At this time, it is also important that you change your batteries in your smoke alarms.
However, we are falling under hard times these days with our economy, and money is tight.
From my southern friends in Arkansas, I will offer a solution for those of you who may not have enough extra money for new batteries.
See below for the Arkansas alternative to smoke detectors and view a PROFESSIONALLY INSTALLED Arkansas fire detector.
Wisdom of Gary Busey
October 9th, 2008I love Gary Busey. I used to watch the show “I’m with Busey” all the time when it was on but sadly it no longer airs. Below is one of the many clips you can find from the show. The wisdom of Busey is just phenomenal, not to mention extremely funny.
Gates Vs. GM
September 22nd, 2008At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash… Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.
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